Madness in Mallorca

A motley crew of ten met at Manchester Airport and once we`d managed to clear security with the Yorkshire Ripper in tow, AKA Neil King, his passport photo is a double and Alistair insisting that Neil was a well known drug dealer and required intimatley searching we were on our way to sunnier climbs. We arrived in Palma and a quick transfer across the island and we were checking into the Panarama Golden Beach Hotel where we discovered that every conversation could be heard at least 3 rooms down. Matt had organised an excellent first night restaurant and then it was off to bed in anticipation off what lay ahead.

Sunday morning broke early with a clear blue sky and warm sunshine. After unpacking the bikes and most of them having survived the flight in tact we were off to the cyclists mecca of Petra. A reasonable pace was set as we flew along the smooth surfaced roads and guessed our way reasonably well through the lanes. Towards Petra the jostling for the first sprint started and as the fast boys flew off up the road, the more sensible ones stayed with me and whilst they had a tour of Petra we went straight to the square that was already full of about 1 million cyclists mostly German. We spotted an empty table and plonked ourselves down as the fast boys rode into the square from the opposite direction with Alistair basking in the glory of having won the Petra sign. A quick lunch stop and then we split into 2 groups for the ride home. The boys headed off at a fast rate but very little idea of where they were going and when an hour later they caught us on the run into Muro without Dan in either group, no cause for worry as he had GPS on his phone and he`d already stated that he preferred dual carriageways to rural lanes. A quick stop for a team photo in Muro before we headed back to Puerto Pollenca where several well earned beers were consumed with most people having clocked 68 miles. Then it was off to Tolos for tea, where everyone that walks by your sure you know.

Monday was into the mountains for everybody and with the faster group having a big day ahead of them they left us behind to enjoy a more sedate pace on the way out to LLuc Monastery. An extra coffee stop at the caves of Campanet because i love the view before we headed up the hour long climb of LLuc. Neil rode strongly and met local cheshire resident Ian Ross on the way up. LLuc is a lovely steady climb that twists and turns its way through a pine forest. I reached the top 10 minutes quicker than last year and having not had to use the granny ring, so feeling quite pleased with myself joined Neil in the cafe for some star spotting. Sean Kelly was seen. We then went off to LLuc monastery for a spot of culture. Heading back into Pollenca i nearly ended up with goat hair handlebar tape when one jumped right out in front off me. Myself and Neil continued around the bay to take a look back at Puerto Pollensa and adding extras onto our ride.

The faster group having already started the competition for the King of the Mountains and were well into there ride over the Puig Major the biggest mountain on the island. Alistair going well claiming the first of the KOM points. Then it was onto Soller the unbelievably twisty and turney climb that attracts riders from all over the world. A fast descent meant that the turn for the last climb of the day was missed or so was claimed, maybe looking at a map every now and again would help, or maybe they were just all stuffed!!  A quick ride back along the water pipe road and they were back in Puerto Pollensa enjoying a well earned beer. Huw telling me that he wasn`t sure what was more difficult the climbing or the laughing, most of the day`s conversation been unprintable. 

A fantastic meal was had at Alumo where we were joined by Matts Aunty Joan who lives in the resort and was proving a great resource for good restaurants.

Tuesday and numbers were starting to be whittled down. Terrie and Bryan  decided to do the short but difficult ride to Cap Formentor that has a road that appears to go downhill in both directions. I wish there were more like that. I set off with the others with not much intention of doing far with them. However after surviving long enough to see Dans terrifying bike handling, turning right in front of Neil, i continued on along the coast road before we all turned right for Santa Margalida. The group split and I found myself at the front before Greg directed us down an orchard road where we were subjected to the most laughable dog attack by a yorkshire terrier who definitely had an image problem, thinking he was a Rottweiler. Back on the correct road we headed into Petra and again the sprint was wound up and although been well out of contention i still made it to the cafe first. I may have been nowhere in the spints and KOM competition but was steaming away with the first in the cafe competition. Lunch was very traumatic as we had to catch Peanuts (Simon) head as it fell off and nearly rolled away down the hill. Myself and Neil decided to head home whilst the others headed off for the fantastic climb to Randa monastery that can be seen for miles. Peanut joined us and after about 20 miles his head seemed to stick back on as we headed across the marshs and i was very thankful for the wheels across although i could have done without doing it at 22 mph. Into Puerto Pollensa and more congratulatory beer, but not for Peanut whose head was now been carried. A shortwhile later and the fast boys were back in town having found a fantastically scenic and quick route back. Another 90 miles completed.

Wednesday and the Manchester Ladies had arrived, Terrie and Bryan headed off with them whilst the boys decided to tackle LLuc from the Pollenca side. i had a day off due to excessively burnt arms and a desire for some peace and quiet. Although not as much as Peanut was craving peace and quiet having been woken with Alistair in his face claiming " I FEEL HORNEY." Neil headed off into the mountains with the boys and i`m informed was very well looked after by them. Dan went with them and was then lost by them and found 3 miles and 2 hours later by them. Explaining that he had had  three course meal in between and sold a few cars in the meantime. By now we were all becoming experts in the second hand car trade and Neil is thinking of branching out into it having learnt so much about customer care.  Everyone reconvened in Puerto Pollensa before we headed off for Tolos for tea, where Dan managed to shock a waiter who has probably seen everything with a scream of " NOOOOO" when it was suggested that chocolate sauce be added to his lemon meringue pie. All i can say is we never went back and Wills Wheels are probably been targeted by the Majorcan mafia as a result. On the way back Greg was kidnapped by the Manchester Ladies who whooped him at pool, by what he considered unfair means, he wasn`t sure where he should be putting the ball due to some distraction tactics, and this particular Geordie girl was dressed for the winter god knows what had happened if she`d been dressed for the summer. But it put a smile on Greg`s face anyway.

Thursday and Alistair decided to go and give his team mate Nick Shaugnessy a lesson in bike riding whilst the rest of us decided on a pleasant ride to the Orient, no not the local chinese resturant but the climb that had been missed on the mountain ride. With an escape route for us slower ones we set off at a very reasonable pace through Campanet, LLoseta, stopping at Bar Bastard in honour of Will, and Alaro where the faster ones went over the climb of the Orient and we nipped off to claim the first in the cafe points again. We were joined in Santa Maria about an hour later and after sustenance we set off for the fast run in along the water pipe road with a stiff tailwind. I got carried away and when we doing 22mph in the big ring and i was told by Greg " THERE GOOD THEM NEW FORKS THAT RIDE HALF A WHEEL IN FRONT OF EVERYONE ELSE." I realised that i may have got a bit carried away in the sunshine and promptly went out of the back. As we headed back into Pollensa, Peanuts head was stuck back on and he suggested that extras were done and he and Greg headed for the Cap Formentor road whilst the rest of us headed for a beer.

Friday was the last full day and Matt had suggested that they visit his cousins on the opposite side of the Island so the three intrepid explorers of Matt, Greg and Huw set out for the long ride south. We had decided on a very easy day as in a moment of madness i had agreed to make a racing comeback after a nine year break the day after so wanted to rest my legs. Myself, Terrie and Bryan headed off to Campanet caves with Neil tagging along but with the intention of carrying onto the Orient. Alistair and Peanut went over LLuc with Nick. We were joined by my very good friend Carol Pardoe and had a very pleasant ride with two cafe stops, before heading back for an afternoon by the swimming pool. We didn`t really expect to see the intrepid explorers before dark so i was a bit shocked to find them in the bar at 5 ish and as Greg put it "DOES LIFE GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS?" The answer been probably no. A fantastic last night meal at Little Italy was enjoyed.

Saturday and i was more than a little worried about my racing comeback, and when all i was greeted with in the morning was fits of giggling from Greg re the idea of me racing i disappeared off on my own to prepare for what i knew was going to be a tough morning. I`d agreed to ride Tolos time trial as a 2 up with my mad geordie mate Claire ( her of the distraction tactics) who is an absolute powerhouse. In order not to offend either of our clubs we rode as Team Italia and when after 3 miles we were nearly through the windscreen of the only inconsiderate driver on the island i was starting to think it was a bad idea, particularly as the pace crept upto 28mph. However i managed to cling to the wheel fairly well until it started going uphill and when we were greeted by Wills Wheels at the top of the hill Claire very kindly eased off so that it looked like i was going well. We finished second by 57 seconds but we had about an 8 stone weight disadvantage, however i did manage to agree to go back next year and ride again so it can`t have been that bad.

Finally bikes were packed up and cases packed and the others were waved off as i looked forward to another week with the Manchester Ladies.

Greg won the most miles award.

Alistair the King of the Mountains.

Neil/ Peanut heros of the week.

A good week was had by all and as a fairly regular visitor to Mallorca i`d recommend it to anyone, especially those with families as you can leave them on the beach and go off and enjoy a few sunny well signposted routes.

Danielle